Courage…strength… peace… All 3 things I needed this past Sunday morning. Let me take you back to a Sunday morning in my past (as a youngster…probably 12?)…I got up to sing “God so loved the world” only to get half way through, glancing into the congregation, seeing my Great Aunt with tears streaming down her cheeks. Seeing her cry, made me begin crying and I ran back to my seat without finishing the song. The rest of the service, I just wanted to hide under my Momma’s arm from embarrassment and fear… Embarrassment because I was not able to finish the song, crying in front of everyone… Fear… because I was so worried about what everyone would think or say about me. Of course, my Great Aunt came to me explaining she was touched by the song was the reason for her tears. At the age I was though, I just couldn’t understand it. (Yes, I knew Jesus… but not at such a personal profound relationship yet.) I had been in Christmas plays at my church, even sung with others and with a lady that played the piano… I sang at church with a friend who played the guitar and finally made it through without tears. Still yet, I wanted to run and hide because I was so worried about what others may think or how I sounded or what they may say once church was over and they go out into their lives. I was always worried about lifting my hands to praise my King. Afraid to even utter an Amen under my breath… worrying myself sick about what others may think.

Back to the present… My family, preacher, friends…all have kept asking me to sing. The all too familiar lies would come to my mind, “You will cry… others will talk… you can’t do this…”  I visited a church that my neighbor’s little girl had invited me to. It was such a lovely place with a great message, but the one thing that stood out the most to me was the song that was sung. I have shared it before in one of my posts… It is Unspoken Request by The McKameys. This song touched my heart so much. I felt the Lord had me there that particular Sunday to hear that song. It reminds me so much of where I was… (and even still am)… in my walk of life. Since that very Sunday, I have listened to it and sung it in the car or in my home. Each time the preacher asks, “Does anyone have a song?” I just want to slide under the pew. Why?… because I know I should sing for the Lord, shout it to Him for Him to know I am not ashamed. One Sunday when the Preacher asked if anyone had a song, with shaking hands, I stood up and said that everyone keeps asking me to sing but instead I felt that I needed to tell my testimony that morning. I gave a word of testimony that morning… finally able to utter some words, through tears of course! That morning, I left feeling good that I had shared what God laid on my heart, but still knowing I wanted to sing for God. I decided I would ask my Brother-in-Law to play his guitar for me while I sang. He has agreed, we have just not got to practice yet. (I am thankful for him saying yes…) Still yet, I have been putting it off due to the fear of singing or just being in front of people in general…

Let me just tell you, I have not had much peace since I have heard the song Unspoken Request… One Sunday morning, a lady spoke up close by me that she had an Unspoken Request (as I was telling myself you are not singing, you can’t, you don’t want to cry in front of everyone…) Whewww.. Yes, I knew I was going to have to get some relief and give my song to the Lord soon. I knew I had to sing, one way or another, no matter how hard I tried to fight against it, I still had no peace!

Saturday night, out just riding around with my husband and getting some supper… the song came to me again. All the words just kept creeping into my mind. I went to bed praying, “Ok Lord, I may sing tomorrow, but Your will Lord, not mine”… I woke up at 9 (not good for my routine due to my chronic illness) I told myself… I don’t think I’m going to go to church today, my routine is off and it’s never good when I do not take my time in the mornings. Well, I could tell myself that all day long, but my heart was not hearing it… I finally decided… I’m going to church, I don’t care if I am late, I do not care if I get there at the end of the service and I just hear the closing prayer, I’m GOING. My church starts at 11, I didn’t get to leave my home due to my chronic illness until 10:45. But like I stated, I didn’t care what time I got there, I was going.  After a pit stop, I finally got there at 11:15, church hadn’t started yet, (God always has His way)… I went in took my usual seat and started feeling the nerves. I had practiced the song on the way to church, praying also… “God, if you want me to do this, I need your courage. Not my will, but YOURS…” Belly full of nerves and typical feelings that I have every morning, the Preacher announced, “If someone has a song, now is the time to be getting it ready.” We sang a song, and he asked does anyone have a song?… Ever so slowly and almost hiding my hand, I raised my hand just a little. I told my Preacher I wanted to stay in the pew where I was to sing, would be playing the song on my phone for the music and that I was sorry if I cried. I said a quick prayer under my breath and with hands trembling I clicked play on my phone.

There I stood, singing through tears, many many tears, so many tears that the church family probably didn’t even understand the words. But you know who did… MY LORD AND SAVIOR. I stood there weeping through those words, singing my heart out to Him, raising my hand to the One who is the reason I can face anything in life. I didn’t care what it sounded like to anyone else in that room, I was singing for My King. It seemed as if everyone else disappeared and I was singing for Him alone. All my fear of worrying about what they thought…gone. I stood up for the ONE who will make a way for me in every area of life. I stood up for the ONE who came and died for my sins so that I may have eternal life with HIM. I felt such a relief after singing. For weeks, I have found no peace and wrestled about singing. My family, wasn’t there to hear, but like I explained to them… I didn’t sing for them… I sang it for the Lord. His will, not theirs, not mine, HIS WILL. I don’t think I would have been able to leave church Sunday with peace in my heart had I not got up to sing. I felt like I was going to cry all day, had I not sung. I am so thankful I did not quench the Spirit. I am so thankful I gave all my feelings through song to the Lord. Once a girl, who was sooo embarrassed to even say Amen or pray for someone out loud. No more… Through God and His courage, I will no longer listen to the lies that tell me I can’t. I will stand for Him, even when others may question, “why did she get up just to cry through that song…” the One who matters heard every word of that song and I am SO thankful for the peace that came after in my heart for STANDING for the KING.

Sing praises to God, Sing Praise; Sing Praises unto our King, Sing Praises!! Psalm 47:6

Make a joyful noise unto the Lord; all ye lands. Serve the Lord with gladness: come before His presence with singing. Psalm 100:1-2

Sitting behind this screen is so easy to pour out my heart about my King, but to stand up in front of my church family and sing praises to the Lord… It was huge for me, I have always been one who hates crowds…I get so anxious and have a nervous stomach. Praise His GREAT Name, for giving me the courage to stand for Him. Again, I will pray and pray seeking a new song to sing for Him, and if He leads me…hands trembling, tears and all I will SING praises to Him.

As a song I have heard on the radio says,

“HERE I AM, GOD….ARMS WIDE OPEN” USE ME!

I pray for all of you out there, lift up your unspoken requests to Him, He hears them!… Ask Him for the courage to stand for Him. May you all feel God’s presence on you today and may His caring love surround you with warmth a bit more today.

God Bless Y’all *BETSY*